Skeltons or Treasures

Skeletons or Treasures

   The arrival of a new year seems ordinary for many of us, but was majestic for earlier civilizations, the sun having completed another journey around us, or so it was thought.  We thought, after all, that we were the center of it all, the world around which all else revolved.  We now know better, at least regarding our planet.  But sometimes we lose sight of this within our own families.

   My brother is much better at this than I am, observing delicate and almost miniscule changes in patterns or gaits or ticks when it comes to the family.  Me, I tend to pull back, talking all about the world and mind and space and actually being surprised when my brother points out something so obvious as a crooked tooth being in exactly the same spot as my other sibling (which makes me zoom in on his tooth and wonder how I could have not seen that).  The genetic similarities can stretch well beyond the physical of course, plunging one deep into the inner body and mind as well...hidden talents, artistic bends, dormant diseases, they're all there and as my doc tells me, perhaps I'm approaching the point where I can't override the genetics.

   So it was a pleasant surprise to reconnect with a long lost sister (it's a long story but basically, our family split when I was still unborn, leaving each set of the two of us to grow up with a different parent and thousands of miles apart).  When I last saw her, her children were little more than tots, perhaps entering fifth grade and cute as the dickens.  And as quickly as they had visited, they were gone.  Looking back it appeared a dream, seeing this part of my lost family in bits and pieces and one stretched decades apart.  My sister and her husband were now retired, looking as relaxed as ever, perhaps more so, if that were possible.  And I was surprised to see one of their daughters now grown up and an artist talented enough to become an artist-in-residence (in Hong Kong of all places).  Her art was well beyond the developing stage and from this point, if the long gaps continued, I would likely view her future gallery showings as something I could no longer afford to attend.

   Sometimes we speak of discovering the "skeleton" in the closet, and it is usually not a good discovery.  He or she was an alcoholic, an abuser, an ax murderer, mentally deranged, banished from the family history books for good reason.  But suppose one opened that dust-covered, cob web-filled closet door and instead of a skeleton, discovered a living treasure.   One could then wonder what was passed on and what was skipped over, where something came from (a birthmark, a furrowed line in your forehead, a pull toward music, a yearning or comfort in a certain country) or what the heck happened because you never became the pro football player.  The discoveries might prove quite interesting, just as they might prove frightening (the skeletons).  And one need only leave the door untouched, or slowly creep over, take a deep breath and make the decision to open it.

   For me, beyond seeing a cousin or a niece, seeing a sibling after so many years was as exciting as it was eerie, as if looking into a mirror after being locked up in solitary for countless years.  I was suddenly feeling like the adopted child facing the birth mother or birth father for the first time.  What would I think?  There was so much to process, from joy and happiness to guilt and wonder.  What had taken so long and was this the start of something new or was it just another brief glimpse before another two decades would pass?  And what of distant relatives, all the way from their stories to their children's stories and questions?

   My brother always mentions that we have a relatively small family, at least compared to that of his wife's family.  The "extended" family on our side, the family member who could call you at any hour and ask for shelter or a place to stay (perhaps indefinitely), is limited to perhaps siblings and a stray niece or nephew.  But for other cultures (my brother mentioned the Filipinos s an example), that extended family reaches out to second cousins.  Which made me realize, I'm not sure I know much or anything about my second cousins (and how many do I actually have?).
  
   So in the new year, a time when resolutions consists of silly things such as giving up chocolate candy bars or raising an orphaned ferret cloud our lists (I point those out because when asked at a recent dinner party what everyone's 2015 resolutions were, all but one face was blank...a resolution to not keep any of the resolutions became the top answer), this might be a good time to put "revisit family" on that list.  It might take a bit of time and perhaps even a bit of courage (why that would be is in itself a puzzling question) but maybe, just maybe, this year is indeed the year to do so.

   Happy New Year everyone!