Letter to a Thief

Letter to a Thief

     To begin with, it's a terrible stigma to be called a thief (even if you are one).  And frankly, I'd be very surprised if you're even reading this for I wouldn't picture this sort of blog and its encompassing and underlying message to be something that would interest you; but you never know, since cards with this blog's address were among the many things that you took.  And I won't even pretend to know what's going on in your head or why you felt the need to cut all the locks in the locker room and strip the lockers of their contents.  Nice idea however, that of pretending to be heading to work out when really all you had in your gym bag was a bolt cutter.  In and out in under seven minutes, said the police, so I assume that this is something that you've practiced or actually done over and over.  One would think so, since the police showed me your picture at Home Depot where you got issued your first warrant to be arrested (pretty smart these police, as they all carry your picture on their smart phones for quick identification, including the one, of course, taken as you exited the locker room at my rec center).  One piece of good news for you is that you're part of a trend these days, that of hitting gyms and rec centers and public pools, the subject even making the lead article in a section of the Washington Post.  Not quite sure about all those tatoos on your neck and legs, or why you left them so visible.  Ah well, there I go trying to get in your head again.

    And I can't pretend to know what your motives were, whether you were strung out on drungs or just short of money to feed your kids.  I'd have to lean towards the former since your girlfriend or whoever was found passed out in her vehicle from drugs, a lcuky break for me since you had given her my driver's license and a gas card.  Might not want to visit her just yet, at least not until things cool down said the detectives.  Now the money thing I could understand, just grab the cash and cards and go; but to take everyone's clothes and stuff, which included my keys of course, and then to steal my car.  Oh man, now you've upped the charges substantially, especially since you dumped the car just a few hours later.  One bit of advice, in the future you might want to target someone a bit younger since you didn't care for any of my CDs (only old people listen to those these days anyway) and thanks for leaving my mother's hearing aids (maybe that tinge of grandmotherly guilt is in you after all).  The social security stuff, ah, worrisome but likely my fault for even carrying my Medicare card around, a catch-22 since us old people have to lug that card around should we trip and fall, but of course our social security number is plastered all over it.  Wouldn't recommend trying to get in to use it, however, or passing it on...you know, the federal penalties and all that just go way up.

     And the phones, valuable to us older folk but the police say that you young thieves know to just dump them or fence them right away since they're so easy to trace and lock and scream and all that stuff.  Besides, who uses a flip phone these days (my 90-year old mother) or even my old Galaxy 3 (that's another thing about us oldies, we're a bit tight with our money so buying the latest and greatest doesn't enter our minds until we see the word "sale" or "clearance," which gets us pretty darn excited even if it's a piece of electronics that we don't really know how to operate).  We're also a bit paranoid so we tend to back up our back ups; and we're quick on closing things out as you've likely already discovered in trying to use my credit and debit cards, which I'm alerted to by the banks...and see, now you've got yet another photo taken at the ATM for even trying to use it.  Checks and stuff are already dead so best head to Check City or something if you're going to try; but they're pretty on the ball as well.  Dude they're a business and the last thing that they want is to get screwed with a bum check so you might want to think about that one as well (but yes, those accounts were all closed as well).

     I guess that I could point out a few of your mistakes, at least according to the police.  But what good would that do, other than perhaps help you sharpen a few of your skills in an area not many of us want to experience, that of becoming a victim.  And certainly the hassles for me --the changing of locks on cars and doors, the deactivating the phones, the cancelling of cards and accounts, all that sort of stuff-- has been a pain, but also it's proven to be quite an education.  After all, this stealing and robbing and theft is something I've read about over and over but have gotten so complacent that I never would have expected to have first-hand experience.  So thanks for that...I've learned more about what to do afterwards, at least more than I had wanted to.  And this is not to take anything away from you, for your world is something that I honestly have no clue about, that underground nether world that moves things quickly and is likely far smarter than I am with hacking and such.  Not sure if I could survive in your world as now that I'm older I'm something of a wuss.  But if you just wanted the case and gift cards and whatever, well I hope you did what you had to do and won't go further, that you got your fix or got your kids diapers and that's that.  If I could relay anything on to you, please stop now while the charges are less.  You're young, at least in the pictures, and the last thing you likely want to do is to head back to prison for more years than you want;  the world is great and has much to offer...but miss those 20 years and emerge from your cell substantially older, well, that's probably not the best scenario at this point in your life.  So just be content with what you got and toss the rest.  I'm not going to attempt to preach or get angry or to try and tell you to turn your life around; as I said it's your life and I can't know what pressures you're facing or what you may be running away from...a brutal dealer, a kid on the way, the shakes if you quit, who knows.  Certainly not me.  But the decision is yours if you can just take a tiny peek into the future.  Once you enter the world of federal crimes, you've upped the ante, and those guys are relentless.

    So in the end, has it been a pain in the rear for me?  Of course, for who wants to be violated and suddenly discover all of his stuff and his car is gone, especially at the gym where all you're trying to do is stay healthy?  But I'll survive.  The question is, and this is asked only if you continue with this lifestyle, will you?  Just something to think about.  If you want to talk, hey, you've got my number; in fact, you've got my phone.  So just give a ring...I'd be surprised, but I'd talk.  And maybe at the end, you could just drive by and toss my phone in the yard.  Heck, you know where I live, unless you've already given away all my cards.  
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