Ya Gotta See/Hear/Read This...or not

   We've all been there, stuck with the guilts of a good friend telling us about a movie or a song or a book, only to discover that it wasn't too our liking (or worse, that we didn't have the guts to just say "not interested").  It's tough, because often we're on that other side recommending something to others.  It was the best, we say; or it got all the top reviews; or everyone's going!  Here's how the rather famous writer of nonfiction, John McPhee, put it in his recent collection, Draft N. 4: Readers are not shy with suggestions, and the suggestions are often good but also closer to the passions of the reader than to this writer's.  A sailor named Andy Chase wrote to me from the deck of a tanker, describing the grave decline of the U.S. Merchant Marine and detailing its present and historical importance.  Yawn.  Then he said he felt sure that I couldn't give a rate's ass for the fate of the Merchant Marine, but if I were to come out on the ocean with merchant mariners I would meet outspoken characters I would love to sketch.  When he was ashore, I visited him at his home, in Maine, and found myself scribbling notes all day.  Before long, he and I were visiting union halls in New York, Charleston, and Savannah, looking for a ship.  After Looking for a Ship was published, a letter came from a truck driver, another complete stranger, who owned his own chemical tanker.  He said, "If you can go out on the ocean with those people, you should come out on the road with us."  I wrote back, "Tell me what you do."  On a legal pad, while his tank was getting an interior wash, he wrote seven pages saying where he went with what.  I corresponded with him for five years but didn't actually meet him until a day came when I got into his truck in Georgia.  He said, right off, "Now, this may not work out.  If it doesn't, I completely understand.  Just tell me, and I'll drop you off at an airport anywhere on my route."  I got out of his truck in Tacoma.  In a lifetime of good suggestions arriving in the mail from ordinary readers, those are the only two I ever acted on....Ideas are where you find them.  

    My wife and I recently fell for one of those "top reviews," a film by Sophia Coppola titled The Beguiled and starring Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning and Colin Farrell.  The New York Times said it was "a work of cool, exquisite artifice that evokes wildness on a small, controlled scale" while another review said that the film "bursts with moody sensuality."  Indeed, with such a star-studded lineup and such terrific reviews, the critics rewarded her with the "best director" prize at the Cannes Film Festival this year (only the second woman to receive the award).  But the dark (in lighting), predictable, and stiff film did absolutely nothing for us other than to have us cross any future films by Sophia Coppola off of our list (we'd seen two others and didn't care for those as well).  But that's us, her films just aren't to our liking...truth be told we're not fans of violent movies but we did enjoy the recent Mel Gibson film, Blood Father, maybe because we were watching a personality that wasn't us, street-savvy and tough both inside and out.  Who knows?  Other people's taste will prove just the opposite, their likes and dislikes completely reversed from ours (I was much the same with the book, All the Light We Cannot See, a bestseller and a favorite of critics worldwide, even winning that year's Pulitzer...I found myself virtually alone in  thinking that it was not worth reading).  As an added note, the Mel Gibson movie bombed at the box office so it's understandable why movie studios wouldn't want my opinion of what's good or bad...

    Each of us have our own tastes, whether it's in food or fashion or political views.  When a friend sent me a book on economics and declared it one of his favorite books, I struggled valiantly through it, first halfway, then three-quarters, before giving up.  It just wasn't me.  A song, okay,  that takes three minutes.  A movie, a few hours.  But a book, well that demands a bit of a commitment.  Should you give it a try or should you just be honest and politely decline it (thus my reason for not joining book clubs)  And time can change our views as well; a book or movie that we've filed away as memorable and a must see/hear/read again often becomes somewhat of a puzzle to ourselves when we do go back a decade or so later and find it nowhere near as fantastic as we thought; I did this with my brother, ranting and raving about a certain scene in a movie from long ago and laughing away in my head about how hilarious it was and how he had to see it, that is until I pulled it up on YouTube and watched it with him...somewhat embarrassed, nether he or I laughed.  The time, the atmosphere, the crowd, a few laughs and drinks and boy, you can walk away thinking that that band was the best!  Or that song*, it has everything, change of pace, good instrumentals, wild vocals.  And that article on Joe Blow or that talked-about issue...well, you have to read that!

    There's obviously no right or wrong.  We've found that certain family and friends, and even critics and reviewers have often been almost 180 degrees opposite in what they like and recommend to us, so we've learned to politely nod but rarely follow up.  But we've also discovered that every now and then, it doesn't hurt to open the curtains a bit and break out of that mold, to try a new book or movie or song and maybe see what you might be missing.  Go try a new food and feel its texture and consistency, the sweet blending with the sour or whatever.  Venture to a new restaurant or town or country.  Sit down with a person who has far different views than yours.  Head to an opera (I don't understand them but they sure have quite a following and the one that I did attend was quite powerful both in its stage setting and the actors' voices).  I attempt to read at least one fiction book each year, something that usually proves agonizing for me but sometimes surprises me with its writing (Donna Tart's or the late Pat Conroy's as an example).  In this era of political divides and polarization, now may be a time to open ourselves up instead of closing ourselves down.  Shutting our doors and curtains is just the prelude to shutting our minds.  As the Beatles once wrote: Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.  I have always thought that it's a crime.  So I will ask you once again...try to see it my way.  It was a song you had to listen to...or not.


*The song mentioned above was by the Cuban group TelMary and although I am not a fan of rap, I somehow found their rhythm and pacing quite captivating; I played it for a few of my friends including my wife, all of whom politely told me, "no thanks"....on the other hand, as much as I admire Siddhartha Mukhergee --for who else would dare to tackle as complicated a subject as cancer and win a Pulitzer Prize in writing for it-- I simply could not get into his own childhood choices for music, even as I recognize his talents and extraordinary intellect. Taste is such an individual thing...