Content

   One could look at that word --content-- in several ways, one definition being that of what's inside (as in the word "contains" or as is commonly seen in books, a table of contents) or that of being satiated (as in, a feeling of contentment).  And indeed, there's been a lot written on that latter definition as if our search for happiness and contentment is somehow growing more and more difficult (and not just limited to the U.S.; see my post on hygge).  Even one of my own earlier posts on happiness continued to push me on this search, this effort to discard that which was anchoring me down and cluttering my life (truth be told, my wanting to shed five things daily has averaged out to about 2-3 daily overall, some days watching 20 files bite the dust and other days shedding none).

   Some of this renewed vigor may have again started from the short piece in The Week at the beginning of the year which asked, "Can we train ourselves to live fuller, happier lives?"  Or it could have been the piece a few months earlier in The Atlantic titled, "Why Happy People Cheat."  Or maybe it was the upcoming September course from U.C. Berkeley (free) on the science of happiness.*  And yet another article in The Week wrote that, "It's a question humans have been trying to answer for millennia."  It seemed to be everywhere, this searching for inner contentment.  Studies are diving into relationships, money, genetics and all the rest; but some of these interesting tidbits emerged from the article: The frequency of events that trigger happiness is a better predictor of satisfaction than the intensity of such events.  In other words, the person who has several positive experiences throughout the day --a pleasant exchange with a friend or boss, a compliment from a spouse-- is likely to be happier overall than an isolated person who wins a major award. (on money) A 2010 study found that happiness levels increase up to an annual salary of $75,000, but after that, higher earnings have little to no effect...The biggest boost comes from spending money on others, especially those close to you. (on genetics and age) Researchers at the University of Edinburgh have even suggested that genes account for about 50 percent of the variation in people's happiness levels.  Global surveys from more than 70 countries show that happiness tends to decline as people move into middle age and bottoms out around age 44, and then steadily rises in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. (on improving or learning happiness) Studies have repeatedly shown that expressing gratitude --by keeping a weekly journal of things you are grateful for or jotting down a short list each day, for instance-- leaves people feeling less stressed, healthier, and more optimistic for the future.  In fact, research conducted in 2015 found that practicing gratitude...actually triggered particular patterns of brain activity in participants, and that later brain scans showed these neural effects continued to be strong.  In other words, gratitude can be self-perpetuating, making it easier to see and appreciate the good in your life down the road.

   That sounds pretty simple overall.  Be grateful for what you have (health, a warm home, good friends, your mind, or at least what's left of those items); so then why does it seem that so much of what we're hearing or reading is that people seem to be searching for something else, or something more?  Countries want more, leaders want more, the wealthy want more, the jobless want more.  Are there that many of us who are really that unhappy or discontent?  Said Albert Einstein: A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

   Two books popped into mind as I was pondering all this, books that made me do a Homer Simpson slap on the forehead as if to yell, duh.  One was a book by James J. Sexton titled If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late.  You can probably guess from the title that he's a divorce attorney, has been one for 20 years (on his second marriage, however) and charges $600 per hour; and other than a few couples who went to mediation and never returned, he says that 100% of people who have come in to see him for a divorce, do indeed get divorced.  That means that zero people work it out once they step through his office door.  Two things came out of that book for me: 1) that this was more of a guy's book, the author standing there with fully tattooed arms and, despite his legal knowledge, writing in an almost locker room fashion; let's face it, most guys don't want to hear what he says (and would probably not bother to pick up such a book, especially if it were written by a female divorce attorney) but he does have a lot to say.  The formula is simple -- take 20 years of hearing stories of what went wrong with couples and condense it into telling you how to prevent such mistakes, or to at least be aware of problems that might be bubbling in the background and maybe simmering there for years.  It's not all doom and gloom for his goal is to save your marriage or relationship, and to also let you know that marriage can seem like (and often is) a steady job.  As he writes: While divorcing parties are generally not inclined to work at making things better for their partner --often to their own detriment too-- those in decent marriages or relationships are motivated precisely to do so.  Both parties can and probably will work toward improving and deepening the relationship...the need to stay conscious and motivated and excited, on a very regular basis, about this unbelievably important, consuming relationship to which you're committed.  I can't count how many times I've heard some version of this sentiment from clients, particularly wives who were cheated on: "But I was perfectly happy with our miserable life."  And the second thing that came out of this book (for me, at least) was that most of this might prove rather boring to women who are likely to do their own Homer Simpson slap on the head when reading this because most of it (for them) is so matter of fact as if to ask, "and what's your point."  Not to sound misogynistic but more women than men comfortably get this thing about feelings and expression and intimacy whereas even the toughest guys might squirm in their seats when slapped with divorce papers as if to wonder, "where'd that come from?"  So guys, without diving into anything preachy, this book is about as close as you can get to overdoing the beers at a pub and feeling okay in spilling your guts out (to another guy, of course)...just saying.

The trail we remembered being easier...ha!

   Then came another book, another slap on the head, this one about discovering nature's "secret signs."  The Weather Detective presents some simple observations but (for me, at least) rather large ones such as if you live in the northern hemisphere, you will never see the planets in the northern part of the sky (reverse this if you're in the southern hemisphere).  If one thinks about it, this makes sense due to the angle of our planet to the sun (just as the stationary sun rising or setting is actually just our planet's rotation since, well, the sun isn't moving).  All those years and it took a simple sentence to change my way of thinking and viewing what existed right in front of me.  Here are a few more tidbits: On a hot summer day, a large, mature, deciduous tree consumes up to 105 gallons of water...If you cut open a hailstone and examine it up close, you'll see a layered structure, not unlike the annual rings of trees.  And as in a tree trunk, the rings reveal a hailstone's life story: each layer comes from a single "up-and-down" journey through the storm cloud...Shooting stars, or meteoroids, are bits of dust and rock that are hurtling through the universe and that burn up as they pass through the Earth's atmosphere.  And even these tiny shooting stars add up to a staggering 10,000 tons that falls to Earth per day.  Author Peter Wohlleben (he also wrote The Hidden Life of Trees) goes on to tell of bird and flower "clocks," of how different species sing or open up at specific times of the morning (indeed, natural scientist Carl Linnaeus once planted such a flower clock in a botanical garden so that passersby could pretty accurately tell the time simply by viewing the various flowers opening up).

   My wife and I went on a hike the other day, a chance to get out of the heat (sort of) and to catch the wildflowers only now peaking in their blooms.  It was a gorgeous day and few people were on the trail.  Alongside us were our friends, he being 87 and his wife being some 15 years his junior.  The trail turned out to be a bit tougher than any of us remembered, even at just 5 miles and gaining 1400 feet in elevation.  But for some reason, it seemed a steady uphill slough and our no-longer-in-shape hiking legs were barking at us as if wondering if there was an end in sight.  But dutifully staying with us was our friend, tired but still full of stories; I used to snowshoe this, he told us, as we stopped for a bit before heading back down, a return path he wouldn't walk but would run back down while the rest of us muttered about how we were supposed to be in better shape (than him, at least).  Then came the moose just eight feet or so across from us, the velveteen antlers doing nothing to hide the muscular sheen and size of the animal.  Moose can be dangerous, especially if you unexpectedly find yourself parked between the mom and calf on the trail.  But this one was quite content eating the new flowers and foliage (until it tired of me taking photos and grudgingly walked further up the hill).

   Parking ourselves at home and shaking the dust off of our boots and clothes, we showered and made a simple dinner and reflected on our variety of friends and our numbered blessings.  Just to be able to hike and to hike in an area so beautifully wild that one could still spot a moose chomping on wildflowers, or to see a tree pecked full of holes from a woodpecker, or to hear tales of a deer jumping in front on the couple coming up the trail just after us, or even to be with an 87-year old who gave us hope that we might have a chance to still be hiking at that age (or for us to even reach that age!).  Our 29th anniversary had just passed and next year we would hit that seemingly rarified 30th; that alone was a blessing.  Then we happened to peek out the front and had this view of the "setting" sun, adding its own beauty to quell, even if only for a moment, the forest fires raging in nearby states.  Semi-exhausted, I could only think of the day's experiences, of all that we had seen and all that we had talked about and shared with old friends, all of this before I shifted to the realization that our bed somehow seemed to be extra-comfortable that night and that before long slumber would possess a strength even I could not resist.  Indeed, my mind and body were filled with content...and in all definitions of the word.


*450,000 people have already registered for the course so you wouldn't be alone...