Soul, Man...

Deer eating trailside at Silver Lake

     The other day I happened to be back at my local library, looking for the recent animated film from Pixar, Soul, a children's film that deals with rather adult topics such as what have you done with your life and what really matters to you.  The library showed that the DVD was there but in the "children" section; so off I went to their racks (our local branch carries over 5000 DVD selections, from foreign* to comedy) but, after combing through the "animation" section, I couldn't find it.  "Oh," said the librarian, "you want the children's section."  What??  She pointed me to a part of the library I'd always seen but for some reason, sort of never knew was there.  I walked over and there, taking up nearly 25% of the building, was an entire section of yet more DVDs, not to mention books and CDs and who knows what else.  How could I have not seen that, this huge chunk of the library that I never paid attention to?  And then my wife and I noticed that the movie basically pointed out the same thing...missing so much of what was right in front of us.

    This must be what happens when one reaches the ripe "old" age of 70; you start to think, how did I even make it this far?**  But not only when you hit 70, writes Jay Fielden, the 40-year old editor of Esquire: ...although I haven't experienced a midlife crisis (yet), I do ask myself: How the hell did I end up having two kids, a house in the suburbs, and all these goddamn responsibilities?...there's so much that's new.  How we meet people has changed?  How we talk to our partners has changed.  How we have sex has changed.  How we carry ourselves as men has changed.  Even food editor Jeff Gordinier announced that he was facing a new reality: I have become accustomed to hearing people tell me, "You have the best job in the world!"  The truth is that eating your way around the country takes a serious toll on your body, your family life, and your emotional equilibrium.  For a man in his mid-50s, it's roughly as sustainable as Russian roulette...it's time for me to stop acting like I'm 25.

     I must admit that 70 is an age that seems to override (at least temporarily) those reassuring phrases of "it's only a number" or "you look good," (which conveniently leaves out that unsaid add-on, "for your age").  Certain ages seem to do that...hitting 40 or 50 (but generally not 60, which is odd).  And now I have a feeling that 70, 80, and 90 might be monikers that will whisper to me that I'm at the top of the roller coaster ride and not only will the rest of the ride be downhill (hopefully that's a good thing) but it also marks the end of the ride (and no telling if the track might be needing some repair).  Climb up on the roof to get that fallen branch...forget it.  Clean that upper window by standing near the top the ladder?...forget it.  This is not to say that 70 is a time for me to quit or give up, but rather it somehow seems a time to admit my limitations and to feel okay with that, to know that I'm not 25 or even 50 any more.  Sort of like therapy and manhood.  Andrew Ti wrote in the same magazine that going to therapy simply wasn't for him; his life was great, until it wasn't (it's a long story but he basically summed it up this way: ...other men really did need therapy.  But not me.  For him, 40 was the turning point: ...the biggest lesson that middle age has taught me is that, after decades of living my life needing to be right, I've finally become the type of person who would rather be happy,

Silver Lake boardwalk view

    When you hit 70, you seem to stop hearing the opposite sex say things like "hey handsome," or "what a bod" (okay, I've never heard the latter said to me in my life, but I do remember a few times in my 20s hearing the former); now I hear things like, "I had a friend die when he was 70" and "you're slacking off on your blog."  In other words, you become a sort of punching bag now, as if you're able to take the hits.  Take a look at the cards I got for my birthday: 1) You're Old.  Eat the F#%king Dessert.; 2) 70 is only 21 in Celcius...That makes you 49 years younger!; 3) [depicting a mostly burned down log cabin] There comes a point when using a candle for every year of your life is a bad idea; and 4) [one old man talking to another] My joints are stiff [to which the other replies] You're rolling them too tight.  Our anniversary card featured a quote from Benjamin Franklin: Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.  See what I mean...brutal.

    Okay, I'm painting only one side of the picture because I had one of the better birthdays of my life, one which stretched into a nearly week-long celebration.  Some friends flew in from out of state to surprise me on the day before, friends I hadn't seen in awhile (well, I hadn't seen his wife in close to 15 years); other friends postponed their trip back to Washington state in order to spend the day with my wife and I on my birthday; a family we've known for over 20 years had us over three days later for a burgers (grilling me a veggie Beyond Burger), the daughter telling me in front of the group, "you are family," a treasured birthday gift; then another group of friends treated my wife and I to a lavish outdoor dinner at a restaurant (photo of her pork chops above), all while we laughed and laughed and worried not one iota about cleaning up dishes at the end which made that all the more valuable a gift.  Cards came from their end as well, including this: A friend is a person in our lives who makes us laugh louder, smile brighter, and live better; and another featuring a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. The anniversary card that also came with it all?  Home isn't where you are.  It's who you're with.  The two of you are so obviously right where you belong...together.

     Wow...how could I have not seen all the love and friends right in front of me?  I felt so blessed, truly.  Not only was I awed by all of these loving people but also at how my life had reached this point.  I had experienced much in my life, traveled to many places, worked many jobs, and met many people; and now I was fortunate enough to be sharing that with others, as well as hearing about their lives and experiences.  Some people we knew as children now had children of their own.  Where did the years go?  As the snail said when asked about being hit by the turtle, "it all happened so fast."

       A review of books on Michelangelo by Jed Perl (in the NY Review of Books) noted this: In the centuries before the invention of photography, [art] prints were a major means of transmitting visual ideas, and the thousands of prints that he eventually acquired, each the product of a painstaking artisanal process, were a constant reminder to make sure to see something clearly before saying anything about it.  In some ways, that's what I've come to learn about life, even if it's taken this long to open my eyes.  As James Parker noted in The Atlantic, it's probably okay for me to finally move life's gear into neutral.  In his Ode, Parker wrote: And the message was this: One day, you'll be able to simply appreciate what's in front of you.  The tea, the café, London, the little lens of warmth on the table.  One day, this will be enough.  Strive for excellence, by all means.  My God, please strive for excellence.  Excellence alone will haul us out of the hogwash.  But lower the bar, and keep it low, when it comes to your personal attachment to the world.  Gratification?  Satisfaction?  Having your needs met?  Fool's gold...Extend forgiveness to your idiot friend; extend forgiveness to your idiot self.  Make it a practice.  Come to rest in actuality.

    Normally I'm not a big reader of what celebrities have to say but I felt that actress Annabelle Wallis may have summed up some of what I was feeling during an interview with watchmaker Cartier: I think there will be a clear division between people who took the opportunity to move into a deeper awareness of themselves on this earth and take on the responsibility of what it means to exist and be alive...and those who didn't.  I may not have learned all that I needed to learn by this point, but I could likely still pass away echoing the words of my aunt just days before her 94th birthday: Ah well, I've had a good life.  So I was now 70 but a quick glance around and I had to admit that there was nobody I would change places with...as Ralph Waldo Emerson said: Life is not measured by its length, but by its depth.  Even, or perhaps especially, at 70, I feel that I've been lucky enough to have had --and to continue to have-- a deeply fulfilling life...

*We are currently watching the 2nd season of Bron/Broen, a Swedish/Danish series (both languages are used) that was remade into The Tunnel in the UK (and shown on PBS), and The Bridge in the U.S. (don't bother).  The original series (now in its 4th season) is spectacular and typical of that area's films...brooding, detailed, and captivating.  While other versions came close (especially the UK/French version), start with the original.  We got our copy at the library...

**If you are anywhere near my age, you'll get a kick out of the slide show from Esquire, one which ponders the question of how we ever survived being kids...no seatbelt, no supervision, and (gasp) mercurochrome!

Addendum: A reminder that in just a day, the Feedburner subscriber feed will cease and from the way it sounds, automatic notifications of new posts will no longer arrive in your email.  Google says that you'll still be able to subscribe and that little will actually change but then one never knows...I will try my best to keep you "posted."