Narcissist (not the flower)

Narcissist (not the flower)

   One had to wonder what was going on?  The lead article in the November issue of  The Atlantic is "Why Kids Sext;"  Time recently had its own cover story on male, "Aging, insecurity and the $2 billion testosterone industry;"  and last week, Filmspotting highlighted their Top 5 movie narcissists.
So what's happening?  Is this resurgence of narcissism happening because of social pressure or is it pure vanity?  Does this reflect a fear of aging or is simply a matter of low self-esteem?  Or is this just people becoming proud of their bodies?  Or, could this be another sign of the disconnect in generations or could this become a generational bridge?

   One could be tempted to scratch one's head (especially from the view of an older generation, such as myself) at the surge of teen or young adult (or movie star) sexting, that of sending images of one's body scantily clad or totally unclad, to others.  Why would someone want to do that, someone my age might ask?  But according to research in the article in The Atlantic, this trend (unsupported research shows a low range of 30% to a high range of 80% of high school teens admit to having sexted a photo of themselves or receiving such a photo) might be little more than today's teens morphing into adolescence.  Most teens reported little concern over the practice, even when told that sending or re-sending such images could lead to charges of child pornography under current U.S. laws, something even law enforcement officers are puzzling over; is it worth ruining a teen's later life over an innocent or irresponsible act, or will sexting lead to a future of increased sexual activity.  Puzzling even to researchers is that actual sex between high school teenagers has actually dropped to 34% which represents a continuing downward trend over the past 25 years (that statistic according to the most recent survey from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention).

   But then jump to adults...everyone, from politicians to movie stars, find their Instagram or other photo postings suddenly leaving the phones of a trusted friend and appearing for all to see.  And the male testosterone injections and rubs available to boost body form and energy and libido continue to increase in popularity, even as the risks for strokes and heart attacks appear to increase, according to recent studies.  According to the article in Time, FDA spokesperson, Andrea Fischer, reminds readers that "There are no testosterone drugs approved as a treatment for low testosterone levels, often referred to as 'low T,' without an associated medical condition."  The FDA has scheduled a review of T drug safety, telling manufacturers to warn takers of their testosterone drugs about "possible risks of blood clots in veins."  This possible attempt to recapture what has now passed or perhaps has overshadowed him, is the subject of Michael Keaton's new film, Birdman.

   So back to the main question, what's it all about?  Is it our puritanical views clashing with a changing world?  Is it an older generation unable to accept or adapt?  Is it just the age-old story of teens clashing with their parents?  One view, at least regarding today's teen behavior, comes from a recent article in Scientific American Mind on fathers.  As the article said, One key feature of good parenting, however, is to be accepting of teenagers, which again is often easier said than done—especially when they show up with a tattoo or call you from the principal's office.  Ronald P. Rohner of the University of Connecticut has spent some years looking at the consequences for children and teenagers of being either accepted or rejected by their parents.  He thinks that parental acceptance influences important aspects of personality.  Children who are accepted by their parents are independent and emotionally stable, have strong self-esteem and hold a positive worldview.  Those who feel they were rejected show the opposite—hostility, feelings of inadequacy, instability and a negative worldview.  Rohner analyzed data from 36 studies on parental acceptance and rejection and found that they supported his theory.  

   In a side piece on Building Your Own Family, another study revealed another surprising result when the father is absent from the home: In a 2013 study of fathers living apart from their biological children, for instance, scientists at the University of Connecticut and Tufts University found that neither monetary contributions nor the frequency of visits had a significant effect on the child's well-being.  Rather the critical factor was how often the father engaged in child-centered activities, such as helping with homework, playing together, or attending sports events and school plays...Knowledge building can happen anywhere, not only on outings to museums or in the classroom but also at dinner, while playing, or when driving to and from soccer practice.  The key, researchers say, is paying attention to what children are interested in and following their lead.

   Growing up, one thought little about gym class and changing and showering en masse (for the most part, PE or Physical Education, is no longer required in U.S. schools); now, my recreation center has private stalls in which to change (used by many of the middle school children) while the over-18 locker room has no such stalls and men shower and change without a thought. So maybe, in the case of teen sexting, this is just a generational shift, a time of experimenting as teens have done over the years.  And for the male adults, I certainly hope this testosterone surge is not a futile quest to stay "forever young" with injections and creams, even as we accept plastic surgery with its puffing and tucking. 

   I am reminded of the words of Christiane Singer who died at 64 (as quoted in the book, The Warmth of the Heart):  Why shouldn't I trust my last "incarnation," the one which, in my own eyes and others,' will make me look like an old woman?  Why shouldn't I give myself with the same faith, the same conviction, the same inextinguishable curiosity?  And even if my body shrivels up, if my limbs knot and stiffen, was the world's only beauty really in my bedroom mirror?  Come now!  Surely many other tangible wonders will remain outside of me, in everything that prolongs and continues in my life, surrounds and multiplies me?

   And the book concludes with something totally not narcissictic, a note to his family, written by a founder of an underground newspaper, a note written while he awaited his execution in prison by the Nazis, a note written when he was 32:  Now each of us is preparing to die...we are preparing, thinking about what is to come, about what is going to kill us without our being able to defend ourselves...this is truly the moment for us to remember love.  Did we love enough?  Did we spend hours a day marveling at other people, being happy together, feeling the value of contact, the weight and the worth of hands, eyes, bodies?  Do we yet really know how to devote ourselves to tenderness?  Before we pass away in the trembling of an earth without hope, it is time to become, entirely and definitely, love, tenderness, and friendship, because there is nothing else.