Heart of Mind

Heart of Mind

    Here's the thing, heart disease doesn't run in our family (knock wood).  And to be fair, I've heard the terms in songs and in books, that meeting someone special can make one's heart "go a-flutter" or "my heart skips a beat."  We've all had that feeling, that odd sensation for a few seconds, or that heavy thumping of the pulse when doing a heavy bit of exercise.  But this was different.  In the middle of the night, a little after midnight, I was awake and feeling my heartbeat as I lay on the pillow.  It seemed odd, and perhaps it was only happening because indeed, I had just woken up and this in the middle of the night.  But then it continued.  And something was amiss...light, very light beats, all over the place, and then one large one, shockingly so.  It was puzzling, not worrisome, for I didn't feel anything else that was different, no dizziness or clamminess.  But my wife noticed me awake and asked what was wrong..."my heart's acting funny," I told her, and then we both lay back down...only my heart kept going, doing odd things including the big boom that was startling to feel in one's own body.  So I got up...maybe it would all go away once I was in an upright position.  An hour went by, then two, and still my heart was goofy at best.

    Here's how WebMD described it (and I've edited it down a bit for you): Your heart is hard at work pumping blood and nutrients throughout your body.  You can sometimes hear it or even feel it as it pumps at a steady pace.  The heart keeps an even, reliable rhythm that's controlled by your body’s own electrical system.  When that system has issues, the rhythm changes.  This is known as arrhythmia, which is a problem with the heart's rhythm.  Having an arrhythmia does not necessarily mean you have heart disease.  There are many things that can cause your heart to flutter.  It’s possible to have a random arrhythmia even if your heart is healthy.  -Infection or fever -Physical or emotional stress -Diseases such as anemia or thyroid disease -Drugs and other stimulants...

    Was that me?  Certainly none of the several other reasons (there were more) affected me; but stress?  Could it be (I'm not usually one affected by stress, holding things in and letting them build until they get absorbed or simply fade away...my wife is the opposite, things spewing out when necessary and then gone, adieu, forever excised.  The article continued: A typical heart will beat at 60 to 100 times per minute.  It can beat faster if you need it to during exercise or in a stressful situation.  It can slow down while you sleep.  Your heart is used to slowing down and speeding up.  This is normal.  When its rhythm is interrupted, you might not notice.  Some people, however, can feel it when it happens.  Common symptoms include: -Palpitations, or "skipped beats" -Thumping or fluttering in the chest -Sensation of the heart racing (more symptoms followed, many of those warning signs to see a doctor; luckily, I didn't have those other symptoms but at this point the article added: It's possible you may experience the sensations described above and have no arrhythmias.  These symptoms may be due to anxiety, stress, or other causes besides a problem with your heartbeat. There’s a node in the upper right section of your heart that monitors your body’s need for blood.  It’s called the sinoatrial (SA) or sinus node, and it acts like a natural pacemaker.  It is the main control and source of each heartbeat. 

    So my electrical signals must have gone out of whack.  But how does one change that (short of electrical paddles as so often depicted on television rescue shows?), or can one change that.  Reading further (for even at that early hour, when one's heart rhythm is off, you are fully awake and yes, concerned), another article stated that generally electrolytes are to blame, and sometimes restoring their balance can help your internal electrical system.  The loss of electrolytes is common with rapid dehydration, sometimes due to a repeated series of the runs or of throwing up repeatedly.  At that point, your body needs fluids, and needs some of those chemicals replaced, the sooner the better.  Pedialyte and other similar drinks and powders (often found in the "baby" aisle of the grocery store) is a quick way to do this and often proves easier to drink at such times (vs. electrolyte waters or sports drinks).  We had had some (keeping bottles handy has proved advantageous over the years) and down the hatch it went...and back to bed I went...in the morning, my heart had returned to normal.

    Okay, I am no physician by any means; and likely, those of you who are medically trained groan and shake your head at so many people who do this, that of "self-diagnosing" or "Web-diagnosing."  But guilty as I am of such analysis, my defense is that I felt more curious than worried at the time.  It was fascinating to feel my heart do such strange things, and yet to know that my blood was still steadily pumping despite all the erratic beating.  Our body is a fascinating piece of machinery, and often we take our hearts for granted.  But here's what Dr. Gavin Francis had to say about the heart in his book, Adventures in Human Being, this being when the heart loses its pulse, when the blood stops moving around the body: Presentation is with "dyspnoca, syncope or pain in the precordium": the patient gasps for breath and collapses, feeling as if their chest is being torn apart.  People who suffer a complete valve failure, if they're conscious at all, have the conviction that they are about to die -- and usually they're right.  Doctors have a name for this conviction and, like so much medical jargon, it's in Latin: angor animi, or "anguish of the soul."...Since Descartes, we've had a tendency to believe that from the chin down we are just meat and plumbing.  Angor animi suggests that there is more to us than that...

    My mother had now made the transition, she had stabilized and was soon to be moved to a rehab facility once her sodium levels had returned to a more normal state.  But for me, was my heart telling me what I didn't want to express, that inside sat this "anguish of the soul?"  Perhaps the reality was that my denying or lack of concern over this unusual heartbeat was revealing an even larger denial, that certain traits of our physical bodies are more connected to a side we cannot see or sometimes define, that of our emotions.  Dr. Francis continues: It's nearly four hundred years since William Harvey realized that classical beliefs about the heart were wrong and that it works as a four-chambered pump.  Before his De Motu Cordis was published in 1628, ideas hadn't moved on since Roman times.  In fact, we still often speak as if classical beliefs were true, and the heart generates not only our pulse, but also our spirit.  A heartless person is someone without conscience, even without a soul.  We speak of heartache, and of following our heart's desire, of dying of a broken heart; we feel a conflict between our hearts and our minds, as if reason lay in the brain, but our heart were the helmsman.

    My off-kilter heartbeat was perhaps a sign of choppy waters ahead.  Somehow, even in the comfort of medical care and professionals, my mother was adrift in my mind and now perhaps my heart.  My wife said that we needed a break...and, with the assurance of such doctors that all was under control, off we went.